Living my best life
I am blue. There is just something nagging on my heart and mind, and I find that I am truly struggling to find joy day to day.
As you may know, I was a full-time studio potter until a little over two years ago. I had a weird shoulder injury that signaled a larger health issue - arthritis - and I had to take a break. After about six months, it became apparent that I would not be able to get back to the studio right away, and I decided to start looking for a traditional J-O-B. All things considered, I was pretty "lucky" and I gained employment in state government fairly quickly. A regular paycheck (novel!) and benefits like health insurance (unheard of!) made me think, at least for a short time, that I'd hit the jackpot.
And in a lot of ways, I did. I had heard horror stories about the bosses and the people "at the State." Unending nightmares of backstabbing and pettiness. I was prepared to keep to myself and keep my head down and just make the paycheck. However, I discovered that I was working with a great group of people who truly care about the work they do. I couldn't have gotten a better boss, he leaves me alone, in fact has my back when needed, and thinks I do a fantastic job. I do, do a fantastic job. And it's nice to know he knows it.
But here's the thing. I hate it. I hate my job. I hate sitting in that office day after day after day looking at that godddamned computer, analyzing reports and money. There is no pay-off, no reward, no creativity, and it feels like there is no point.
An old friend of mine, Dave Ames "Amos", wrote a book called "A good life wasted." And I can tell you the protagonist did not waste his life. Read the book, it's so good.
I am constantly thinking about pots. Lately, I've been constantly thinking (scheming?) how to become a full time studio potter again. I spend every spare moment in the studio, making, glazing, firing, social media, exhibit submissions. My husband says I'm obsessed. Possessed is really more like it. I have to keep my sanity somehow, and that seems the only way to do it. I have some debt to get paid off - hello student loans! - but I am determined to once again be a full time studio potter (yeah, cuz the only reason I don't spend 40 hours a week in the studio is because I have to sleep).
I want to live my best life. I want to live happy. I want to make pots. I want to create joy in other people's lives.
Here's what I've been up to, in the 20 hours a week I spend in my studio. If you can, please join me and several other potters for the #MontanaClayTour happening July 23rd and 24th.